'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
O.K., I know I'm a day late... but I fell asleep last night while typing this blog, so when I woke up this morning - (in a rush because I had an early meeting for work I might add, and I had nothing ironed) - I knew I had to finish it at some point today.
But that was the irony. I fell asleep on Valentine's night for the first time since I was a teenager, without being attached to a significant other.
I'm not saying this looking for pity, or sympathy.
To be honest, part of me didn't miss it.
I am a guy after all. And off the record, when us guys have our secret meetings of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, we are concocting a plan to rid the world of Hallmark Holidays such as Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and the monthly dating anniversary reminder.
However, until that day comes when we can hatch such a dastardly plan and reclaim our stake as the controlling gender on the planet, we mustn't complain and continue to present the facade that we actually do care about these specially marked dates on the calender.
Which is why part of me did miss it too.
I don't have a lot of specific memories of Valentine's Days past, mostly because I never wanted to make a grandiose deal out of it. Every year, I would prefer to make Valentine's a quiet evening spent with just me and my significant other.
Sure, there were dinners, and trips to the movies/theatre. Yes there were flowers or chocolates or teddy bears.
It was the typical, sappy stuff that every guy does. I wasn't anything special. But, I did play my part.
But, one thing there always was that was unique to me was an original greeting card.
You might say I have a way with the written word. So, I always took the time to find the right card for the right person and then always added a customized touch that made it even more memorable from me.
It's just my thing. I always want people, regardless of their relationship to me and regardless the occasion, to remember my card.
It's also the reason I don't send goofy pictures of me and my kids at Christmas. So, don't think I don't enjoy seeing your children growing from one year to the next, because I do, but I just don't want to be part of the same culture of followers.
But I'll save that post for December 2013... until then, let's stick with Valentine's Day.
As I was saying, my personalized cards are my staple. But, I didn't have one to give this year, so I was bummed.
However, I was only melancholy until the end of my work day. Just before leaving the office, one of my co-workers - an adorable, sweetheart of a woman who I have water cooler conversations with frequently about our similar television viewing habits - told me that she was spending her Valentine's Day evening alone, on the couch, watching shows on her DVR.
Knowing she's been in a relationship for seven months with the same guy, I was perplexed. Why was she going to be alone? Was he out of town? Is he sick? There has to be a reason.
"He doesn't want to see me tonight," she said. "He said we'll go out on the weekend to make up for it, but that it wasn't necessary to actually see me on Valentine's Day itself."
She went on to say that he even went on Facebook - which she isn't on, so she wouldn't see it - and said that he hated Valentine's Day.
Of course she saw it... and she's not happy.
Dude, you must have missed a few meetings. You can't go that route. I don't even know you and you're screwing up.
Here's what you should have done - because women can be rational if you give them a chance:
1. You tell her you'll take her out for Valentine's Day on a different night to avoid the crowds, but, you tell her you still want to hang out on Valentine's Day itself! Go over her house. Order Sushi. Rent a movie. Spend time. Show her you care.
2. Get her a card. Any card. It can have Bugs Bunny on the card for Fuck's sake. Just get her the card and tell her you love her, how hard is that?
3. Pay attention to her. Listen to her stories. Ask her how her day was. Little things. Small details. Things that in the grand scheme of things is unimportant but they matter to her.
You do these things, she's going to come into work the next day and talk about how wonderful you are. I'm going to see stars in her eyes and her cheeks flush carnation pink when she mentions your name.
And why? Because you didn't take her for granted.
Instead, today, when we talked about "The Walking Dead," which she is seven episodes behind right now, she told me she's going to have time to catch up because "I hate my boyfriend."
See what you did?
It's no wonder that website AshleyMadison.com that promotes extra-marital affairs has it's biggest female membership enrollment on Feb. 15.
Guys like you simply fuck up.
I'm sure she'll forgive you eventually, and all will be right with the world, but you left a scar, and because she's a woman, she'll always see it at the most inopportune time and remind you that it exists.
I know this because I've left my share of scars - and these are the kind that chicks don't dig.
In the coming days, I'll share some of those scars. Scars that have been made in each of the past 18 years.
In that time I've had four serious relationships. I will refer to them from time to time in this blog. Each of them have ended because of me. Not that I wanted them to. In three of the four, I was quite happy when things came crashing down around me. Nevertheless, in retrospect, it was my actions - or sometimes lack thereof - that led to their demise.
The first relationship was with my ex-wife. That was the one in which I was actually miserable. We did have three children, all of whom I cherish and adore unconditionally each day. They actually make me cry frequently - mostly tears of joy, but there have been some heartbreaks too - but there are still a reminder of their mother and the time I spent with her. I'll refer to her as MOMC (Mother of My Children).
The second relationship was a long distance one with a gorgeous blonde who lived in Toronto. She was way out of my league if you just looked at her - stunningly attractive, great personality, and a doting, single mother whose primary concerns were her son's well-being and keeping a beautiful home. We still keep in touch today. She is now married and lives in Wisconsin. Her husband, who I never met, hates me. I don't know why for certain, but assume he is one of those untrusting types who thinks the fact that his wife and I exchange four Facebook messages a year asking how each other are doing is my way of trying to steal his wife. Yeah, he's got to get a grip, for I would never do that. I could never do that to her. We'll call her LB (her pre-married initials).
The third relationship was the one I thought was the final one. Another Canadian (must be something in the Lake Ontario water), we dated for three-and-a-half years before moving in together. The end of the relationship came last year when, out-of-the-blue I found out she was planning on moving closer to her ex-husband and in the process was systematically stealing money from me under the guise of needing money for gas, food and clothing for her kids. I had to take her to civil court to recoup my losses. I won, but her payment plan is very favorable to her. I might get all my money back by 2025. Let's call her PT... as in Petty Thief.
The most recent relationship was a good one, but seems to have fizzled out over the last couple of months. It was never so serious that we lived together, but it was to the point where we were in each other's company six days a week. The problems, I think - as I'm still trying to evaluate what really went wrong here - were miscommunication and failed expectations. We still talk. We've gone out a few times since the pseudo-breakup as we still like to be in each other's company. But the more I think about it, the more I think we might be better off as good friends, and that's O.K. She's in Florida on a two-week vacation right now - with her parents, which may seem odd for a 39-year-old woman with no children. But, to be fair, she does own a condo in Fort Lauderdale, and her folks are retired and are staying down there for the better part of two months. So, it makes a little more sense. I'll call her FLORIDA.
Anyway, I give you these brief descriptions not only as a set up for future blog posts, but as a reference point to understand why I like to think I have a much better understanding of what Valentine's Day should be about.
And as for the co-worker, well, you deserved a card yesterday and you didn't get one... So, consider this blog post, which was written because of your plight, a belated gift.
At the very least, it shows that there is a silver lining to your disappointing holiday because someone was willing to listen to you on Valentine's Day, even if it wasn't the person you had hoped.
Until Tomorrow...
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